THE WORLD ACCORDING TO TAB....
Things you have to believe in order to
be a Republican today:
1-Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush couldn't find Bin
Laden 2 - Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony. 3 - The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
against Iraq. 4 - A woman can't
be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national
corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
5 - Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals,
Michael Moore and Hillary Clinton.
6 - The best way to improve
military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing
veterans' benefits and combat pay.
7 - If condoms are kept out of
schools, adolescents won't have sex.
8 - A good way to fight
terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation
and money. 9 - Claiming to provide health care to all Iraqis is
sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
10 - HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the
public a heart.
11 - Giving money to the poor is called "welfare"
and it is bad because they don't need it. Giving money to the very
rich is called "tax breaks", and it is good because they do need it.
12- Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science,
but creationism should be taught in public schools.
13 - A president
lying about an extramarital affair is a impeachable offense. A president
lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense
policy.
14 - Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution (which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet). 15 - Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime
for which people should go to jail. Unless you're a wealthy
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for
your recovery.
16 - The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.
17 - What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national
interest. What Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant
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Bring on the snow, sleet, and freezing rain...I need a break !
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